


Purple Prose

by using_this_name



Series: Crackity Crack [36]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Cas is a Perv, Crack, Cursed Dean, Drabble, Gabriel being an Ass, Humor, M/M, Purple Prose, Sam is Concerned
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-06-01
Updated: 2013-06-01
Packaged: 2017-12-13 15:37:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 890
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/825923
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/using_this_name/pseuds/using_this_name
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dean has been hit with a horrifying curse. It makes him use excessive adjectives. And metaphors. No Dean! Not the metaphors!!!</p>
            </blockquote>





	Purple Prose

**Dean:** I love you so much, Cas.

**Cas:** I love you quite a lot too, Dean.

**Dean:** I know I don’t say it very often, ‘cause I put on this front of being all broody and silent, but every time I gaze into the glistening pools of blue that are your eyes, I feel like I’m drowning in the perfection that is your love and I want to break my austere facade and just hold you for eternity. You know?

**Cas:** I do know. I would like to hold you for eternity as well, Dean.

**Dean:** I know I usually act like I just want sex, and the sex is amazing! I mean, it’s almost better than pie, y’know? I mean, it is better than some pie. Especially when you wear that thing with the tassels. That’s definitely better than key lime pie. Or pumpkin pie. Maybe even cherry pie. Like, when I’m inside you, I feel like I’m a part of something bigger than myself, like I can close my eyes and become one with the universe.

**Cas:** That can’t happen during sex. I just said that to get in your pants. I’m sorry.

**Dean:** It doesn’t matter! It’s just a feeling. A metaphor for my feelings!  And I have so many feelings! Feelings like I want to run my hands through your hair just to feel it ripple between my fingers. Like I want to hold your face in my hands so I can feel your stubble scrape against the calluses on my fingers, rough in my embrace.

**Cas:** I like when you hold my face.

**Sam:**  Cas, maybe you should stop taking advantage of this curse. He’s probably going to be really pissed about having to talk like this.

**Dean:** I’m always angry when I’m not in control. Angry, but also so aroused. Like when I’m pressed into the bed under your hands, Sam. Helpless under your perfect body. Do you know how much I love your body? Your shoulders, wet as you leave the shower, one trickle of water winding its way down the crease of your spine. Do you know how badly I want to lick that drop of water away? And worship your body for what it is: A statue which surpasses the work of Michelangelo, perfect in every minutia of form and moving. How express and admirable! In action how like an angel! In apprehension…

**Cas:** Humans do not move in the same dimension as angels. I am confused.

**Sam:** It’s okay. I’m pretty sure the curse just ran out of original words and started quoting Shakespeare.

**Dean:** …and yet, to me, what is this quintessence of lust? Man delights not me!

….

**Dean:** …unless he be…thee? I forget the end, but basically you’re ridiculously hot, and I want to worship your body with my tongue. Can we have sex now?

**Sam:** That sounds almost like the curse is wearing off.

**Dean:** I know I always say I want to top, but can I bottom this time? Can you hold me down against the mattress and plow into me with your monstrous, burgeoning, perfect…oh god, if there is anything in this world that is more perfect than your glistening pectorals, it’s your throbbing…

**Sam:** …or not. This is starting to creep me out.

**Dean:** …length of quivering…

**Cas:** Would you like me to call Gabriel? He can probably help.

**Dean:** … burning with manhood and…

**Sam:** Please.

**Gabriel:** Hey y’alls! What’s up?

**Dean:** My penis. Unfortunately, my beautiful specimen of a brother thinks…

**Sam:** He got hit by a curse. He’s been spouting terrible poetry for a half hour now. And now he’s trying to sleep with us.

**Gabriel:** I can see that.

**Dean:** Let me show you how much…

**Cas:** He does try to sleep with us all the time…

**Sam:** Dean! Put that away! Well, yeah, but…

**Gabriel:** You think the poetry is a curse talking?

**Sam:** Yeah. Dean! Pants. On. Now.

**Gabriel:** Have you tried sleeping with him? He does keep trying to take his pants off.

**Sam:** There are some inherent consent issues…

**Dean:** I consent! I consent! Dude, you don’t need to get my consent to take your pants off. I promise you, so much. Anyway, if you won’t make love to me, could you at least make love to each other? Under the moonlight?

**Sam:** Did he just say ‘make love’? And ‘moonlight’?  I think it’s getting worse.

**Gabriel:**  Let me talk to Dean alone for a minute. *snaps them both away*

**Gabriel:** So, Deanie-patutie, you know what this curse is, correct?

**Dean:** I’m speaking every thought that goes through my mind. And it’s been fairly mortifying. I mean, of course I dream of making love under the moonlight. Everyone does. But do I have to say it? A real man…

**Gabriel:** I’m glad you aren’t in any way repressed.

**Dean:** God, do you know how sexy you are when you get sarcastic? I love that almost as much as I love when you cocoon me in your arms, safe from the terror of life, and let my breath become ragged with want and…

**Gabriel:** Okay. So, first we’re going to have sex. Because this is totally awesome.  And then we’re going to discuss the terms of my not telling them that this is how you think.

**Author's Note:**

> If you want updates as they happen, follow me on tumblr, where I am going by using-this-name (with dashes instead of underscores).
> 
> I would also LOVE any prompts that you would like to send me on tumblr. Any pairing, or any trope. It may take some time for me to get to it, but I promise that anything you send, I will at least try to fill. :)


End file.
